The RBI Report: "On My Way"

Ladies and gents, I must begin this review with a disclaimer.  Last night's Glee tackled a hugely sensitive issue that is very real and very haunting for many people, and in no way do I intend to demean or trivialize those difficult experiences.  I am approaching this episode review in critique of how the showrunners handled the issue and how they chose to manifest their message onscreen, through the writing, for maximum storytelling effect.  There are not easy answers when dealing with teen suicide, especially when it happens as a direct result of homophobia-derived bullying, and I do not assume any position of criticism and judgment when addressing that issue independent of how the show frames it.  

"On My Way," written by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, directed by Brad Buecker 

You have to wonder what Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa's reactions were when he was doled out his Glee episodes this season.  His first charge was "The First Time," which dealt with the delicate issue of teen sex.  For his second go-round, he got "On My Way," which focuses heavily on a discussion of teen suicide.  Goodness gracious.  I hope they got this guy a couple sessions of sensitivity training before he put pen to paper, but he has easily had the most difficult topics to maneuver through gracefully this season.

On a larger level, "On My Way" handled Karofsky's situation delicately and compassionately - and ultimately, realistically.  There are not words to describe how heartbreaking it was to witness Max Adler's face fall when he realized his entire world was shifting and breaking apart.  There are not words to describe how stomach-twisting it was to see him dress up in a suit, check his belt for weight-resistance, and then look up at the beam in his closet with tears in his eyes.  But in that vein, I felt it was too much.  Subtlety threaded through the earlier decision: the directorial restraint through showing Dave's face, and holding there, knowing that the audience could read the emotional all over it gave us everything we needed to know.  We didn't need to see "fag" spray-painted across his locker.  We didn't need to see people's Facebook comments.  We didn't need to see the beam in the closet.  It felt like the episode was trying too hard to legitimize to the audience why Karofsky would want to kill himself, in a logical tally, when in reality: all we really needed to see was his face, when he realizes that his world has shattered.  Max Adler is a shockingly talented actor for having such limited exposure on this show, and I wish that more faith had been put in his ability to carry this storyline using simply his acting talent.

In that sense, "Cough Syrup" didn't really work for me.  I wish that we had just had a cut to black, scene end, after seeing Dave's heartbreak.  Less is more, and I don't think the audience would have a diminished emotional reaction hearing about Karofsky's actions without seeing his process.  Especially when the process is set to a backdrop of a Blaine solo that has no narrative connection to provide any authentic meaning to the real storyline going on.  

It'd be one thing if we started with Dave and then stuck with Dave for the episode.  But we barely started with Dave, then we lost him completely for the middle of the episode, as all the other characters had profound thoughts about his condition, then forgot about him so we could be overloaded with five songs in a row that meant absolutely nothing except for the fact that they're at a competition, and then finally, we got to see Dave again when Kurt visited him in the hospital.  It reminded me too much of Santana's role in "I Kissed a Girl" - Glee touts themselves an episode that will handle directly the sensitive issues of these characters, but in reality turns them into a project for the show and its ensemble to interact with.  It feels exploitative, and false.

For example, in "On My Way," we just don't see Karofsky at all for the middle of the episode, and instead we get really strange declarations of empathy.  Quinn says she's had dark days but never considered hurting herself.  Sebastian's villainy evaporates faster than a teardrop in the desert, and Finn feels compelled to inform Rachel that he'll never be so insecure about his reputation that he'd try to kill himself.  Even Mr. Schuester sits down with everybody to tell them about the time he thought about stepping off the roof to avoid disappointing his parents.  I see what the writers are trying to do: they're trying to open a discussion on suicide, treating it as something that a lot of people struggle with, and saying that while it's not something to hide away and be ashamed of, it's also not the answer.  But by having Karofsky's singular experience reverberate through the other characters in this way, it automatically opens up a can of "is that really the same thing?" worms.  Kurt himself chastised Quinn for comparing her teenage pregnancy and "bad dye job" to being bullied as a gay teenager.  It's such a difficult topic to broach, because the reality is that people's problems are exactly as real and harrowing as they feel them to be.  And frankly, good storytelling allows the audience to understand every character's struggles as deeply personal and impacting, regardless of "how bad they are" objectively.   It's why I frowned when Kurt trivialized Quinn's previous experiences.  We saw Quinn get thrown out of her house and how much pain it caused to have everything in her life ripped away from her.  Marginalizing her experience when we actually bore witness to it felt condescending, from a storytelling perspective.  It would have been stronger to keep the over-identifying and "who has it worse" comparisons to a minimum. 

I wager to say this wouldn't have been as much of an issue if Karofsky was present and had a voice throughout the bogged-down middle where everyone was awkwardly trying to put themselves in his shoes.  And of course, the one person in the narrative who could legitimately put himself in Karofsky's shoes based on actual experience was Kurt, who was scripted to feel responsible for Karofsky's actions.  So much so that he went to the God Squad to pray for him, even though he doesn't believe in God.  This is another iffy thing for me.  Kurt wouldn't pray for his dad when his life hung in the balance.  And the idea that we found out, retroactively, that Kurt was ignoring Karofsky's calls and now feels guilty is upsetting to me.  Kurt and Karofsky's relationship is a very thin wire for the writers to walk, and it has historically been handled with a surprising amount of sophistication.  I appreciate that we don't go unreminded that Karofsky made Kurt's life miserable, and I love that Kurt is compassionate and decent, and forgives him, through empathy.  The elements that "Heart" and now "On My Way" have presented add another dimension to the Kurt/Karofsky dynamic that frustrates me.  They saddled Kurt with guilt over turning down Karofsky's romantic pursuit and didn't point out that, forgive the religious allusion, that's not his cross to bear.

Of course, if you have an overly sensitive bullshit detector with Glee, as I am cursed with, you'll notice that Karofsky's suicide attempt comes on the heels of one single scene where he's reintroduced to the audience.  He's had one other scene previously this season, in "The First Time" - but other than that, he's long been absent from our radars.  If you compare and contrast the two characters in danger in "On My Way," you'll notice that Quinn's peril comes on the heels of a complete 180 in character treatment.  Since "Hold On To Sixteen," we've had six episodes where Quinn is present in the narrative, with a reason for the audience to care about her again.  This was done to progress her arc with Rachel leading up to the car crash, where we can properly freak out about what's going on.  With Karofsky, we're not given that same opportunity.  This only fuels the argument that Karofsky was treated less like a real character and more like a plot device from the showrunners, to have their Very Special Episode where they attempt to deal with very real social issues.

And it's here where I will reiterate my disclaimer: this series of nitpicks is really addressing the show's handling of the topic, and by no means do I claim this to be beyond argument or discussion.  Ultimately, I think the right message was delivered, with the right questions asked along the way - particularly the exchange between Figgins and Emma.  "It wasn't our job to know." / "Then whose job was it?"  Heartbreaking.  I also appreciated Schue's advice to find things to look forward to, and how we got to hear what those things are for the glee kids.  And it paid off wonderfully with Kurt's scene with Karofsky at the hospital, where he asks him to imagine a happy future - and Karofsky does.  That sequence was fantastically done, with Kurt's relief that Karofsky feels enough investment to correct "lawyer" to "sports agent," capped by mutual understanding, and a commitment of support and frienship.  This was the true gem in a storyline that felt a bit overworked in all the wrong places, and I wish that the other parts of the hour fell more into alignment with this.  (Could we have gotten a little something with Karofsky and Santana?  After all, she's the only other one who knew his secret at McKinley.  And my heart panged painfully when Santana said she was looking forward to her grandmother loving her again.  If we're not going to resolve that loose thread right away, it'd be nice to remember that it existed, and this episode was a good setting for some exploration.) 

Now, to everything else.  Regionals was this episode, and frankly I couldn't bring myself to care that much about it.  The writers tried to inject some conflict into the storyline through their trusty standby - blackmail! - but it deflated quickly.  Sebastian photoshopped some n00dz (is it unprofessional to call them that?) of Finn and threatened to spill them onto the internet unless the New Directions threw the competition.  Finn and Rachel argued about what to do, because Rachel was like, "Hey, people used to tell me to get sterilized on my MySpace page, so I don't see what the big deal is," and Finn fell back on his multi-purpose, "How could you do this to me?!" argument.  (Note to writers: can we have a scenario where Finn is not the victim?  Or the hero?  Something in between, maybe, like for normal human characters who have strengths and weaknesses and agency in their own storylines without spilling it over into others'?  Just something to consider.)

But the conflict fizzled out completely because Sebastian had a change of heart upon hearing about Karofsky's attempted suicide.  Turns out Mr. Slimeball also wreaked havoc on Karofsky's self-esteem, and felt guilty.  So, n00dz begone, which was a good thing, because if nobody could get Sebastian in trouble for causing physical harm to a student in "Michael," then they sure as hell couldn't do anything about a silly 'shop job.  Even though Artie had the rulebook recited down to the letter.  (Sigh.)

The Regionals storyline continued with five songs about nothing in particular, that I think were supposed to be a little break from the episode's dark subject matter, but that really felt so tonally dissonant that I wanted them to wrap up as quickly as possible.  The Regionals numbers were treated like they were paying off some big setup, but there was nothing connected to them that would make me feel any sense of triumph at the kids' performances.  Although, I will admit that I have an involuntary contempt for the song "I Believe I Can Fly" because my sixth grade music teacher made our class learn all the words and sing it together multiple times a class period for weeks on end, and I am forever scarred by so many repetitions of a song I don't even think I cared for in the first place.  On a serious note, I do actually question the decision to include Kelly Clarkson's "Stronger" in this episode, not because I don't like the song or the Troubletones (extremely false on both counts) but because it has the repeated lyrics "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," which seemed in poor taste given Karofsky's storyline.  But maybe that's just me.

Finally, let's talk about Quinn.  Ms. Fabray goes to Sue early in the episode to ask if she can have her spot back on the Cheerios.  Not really sure why the writers did this, from a character perspective.  Sure, Quinn wants to make the most of what's left of her high school career, but honestly it seemed like Cheerio Quinn was laid to rest.  But apparently Quinn wants to help the team get a Nationals Trophy, and I appreciate the idea that Glee might devote some time to putting Sue and Co. back on top without making them the nefarious villains that came with that success in the first season.  Although I confess that I'm bewildered by Sue's conversations with Quinn and Schue about her pregnancy.  Apparently the Glee writers think that pregnancy hormones really do declaw erstwhile meanies like Quinn and Sue, because Sue let Quinn back on the squad and then offered to help the glee club win Nationals.  I'm excited by this prospect, I guess?  De-villainizing the Cheerios and creating a neutral alliance between them and the glee club could be really great - especially if it means that Kurt and Mercedes rejoin the squad.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.  This all kind of depends on whether or not Quinn Fabray makes it out of this episode alive.  Oh, yes.  You heard me.  CLIFFHANGER ALERT.  I'm not sure why Glee felt the need to go all hour-long drama on our asses by suspending a character's life in the balance over a seven-week hiatus, but in any case, it was of course Quinn Fabray who drew the short straw.  And if that weren't enough for a satisfying TV cliffhanger, toss in a wedding!  Yes, Rachel and Finn's wedding pushed itself up the calendar so quickly that I'm half-surprised we didn't hear that it already happened yesterday and Finn and Rachel flashbacked to it for us.  Most everybody still seems to oppose, but the lovebirds are bulldozing ahead, with a ceremony at City Hall right after Regionals.  Hiram Berry couldn't fake an epileptic seizure fast enough!

But the lynchpin turns out to be Quinn, who goes to Rachel after the competition and tells her she wants her to be happy, and that she wants to come to the wedding in support.  But she checks one thing first: she asks Rachel if she sang her solo "Here's To Us" to Finn Hudson, and to Finn Hudson only.  Hold the phone, shut everything down.  What is happening here?  What is that look on Dianna Agron's face as she hugs a Rachel who just said "yes" to her question?  What do you mean Finn and Rachel's wedding all boils down to Quinn Fabray?  Because in the end, Quinn ran home to get her bridesmaid's dress, and was holding up the entire wedding.  And the choice for Rachel literally boiled down to a) marry Finn now, or b) wait for Quinn, and potentially not marry Finn.  It looks like she's leaning towards waiting, as she furiously texts Quinn that she needs to hurry.  Quinn texts back "on my way," the episode's title, and immediately gets T-boned, on the driver's side, by a speeding truck.

Look, I know that there's Quinn/Rachel subtext.  And I know that historically, it's been just that: subtext.  But homies, this kind of construction is wandering out of subtext territory.  We're bubbling up into text now.  Even if Rachel and Quinn's proud smiles at hearing what each other is looking forward to in the future weren't enough, we have the maddeningly unexpected double-check that Rachel was singing to Finn and Finn alone.  What else are we supposed to think with that question, other than that Quinn might be hoping that Rachel was singing to her?  But at the same time, while this relationship has developed deliberately and meaningfully, especially recently, the writers have not ever suggested directly that Quinn Fabray would even want Rachel Berry to sing something to her.  So I'm left completely bewildered.  If the show is going to go there, it needs to commit.  Maybe they're hedging their bets because of the claim that this show already has "too many gay characters," and are working to slip it in under the radar of the broader public.

But frankly, they already committed themselves with the way the wedding arc was constructed.  Every step of the way, Quinn has firmly opposed the union, and told Rachel she had a bright future before her.  This of course is pay-off to the idea that Rachel supported Quinn when she was doubtful about her future prospects, and helped get her out of her self-destructive streak.  (Y'know, that "bad dye job.")  Then, Quinn finally commits to supporting her friend, only to get held up in actually attending the wedding.  This could all be potentially negligible, if it stopped there.  But the drama in the cliffhanger came from the construction that Rachel has to choose.  She rather harriedly refuses to get married without Quinn there, but is being pressured to go through with it - and only now is she starting to bend to the pressure.  She is literally told, "It's now or never."  Rachel Berry got ultimatum-ed with a choice between Finn and Quinn, on her wedding day, and she hesitates. 

Ladies and gentlemen, this is text.  And I don't mean the "on my way" message Quinn sent to Rachel as she was hit by an oncoming truck.  This love triangle has shifted and re-positioned itself, and we are suddenly at a place where Quinn double-checks who Rachel's singing to, and Rachel is forced to make a choice between Quinn and Finn.  So there's two choices.  There's Rachel's not going through with the wedding, and then feeling even more miserable knowing that Quinn got into a car wreck trying to come and support her when she was right all along.  Then there's Rachel going through with the wedding without Quinn, and feeling guilty when she realizes that the reason Quinn couldn't be there was because she got into a car wreck.  Either way, subtext is rising to the surface, and I think I need to start stocking up on tissues.

But, I have seven weeks to wait.  "On My Way" did its damnedest to cram in a lot of sensationalized material, and while there was certainly a multitude of emotion mined from the events, I still take issue with how some of it was handled, and how the episode was structured around its characters.  In terms of Karofsky's storyline, the best takeaway is this: if you feel like there's no hope in your existence, to the point where you'd consider taking your own life, please, step back and ask for help.  Contact The Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386, or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  You're not alone, and there will always be someone to help you through your difficult times, no matter how dark your days seem. 

The RBI Report Card...

Musical Numbers: B

Dance Numbers: B

Dialogue: A

Plot: C

Characterization: A-

Episode MVP: Dave Karofsky and Quinn Fabray

TV Report Card: Smash 1x03 - "Enter Mr. DiMaggio"

So, I was a little harsh with Smash last week.  I want to like the show, but the writing has been a mess!  Luckily, this week took a step up from last week's fare, and my interest has been renewed, thanks to a couple smart decisions the show made.

"Enter Mr. DiMaggio" focused primarily on the next step in Marilyn's process: casting the role of Joe DiMaggio.  Enter Michael Swift, a Broadway performer who Tom and Julia worked with five years ago.  Michael's a devoted father who sings Bruno Mars in his free time, and who would also be perfect for the part.  But Julia's not so sure, and neither is Michael.  It wasn't difficult to guess what happened in their past, especially when Julia defended Ivy and Derek's tryst to an infuriated Tom.  Turns out Michael and Julia had an affair when he was working on their project, five years ago, and Julia is hesitant to have Michael in her life again.  But Eileen hires Michael, and so Julia divulges her secret to Tom so that he can help her to not "go back there."

The cool thing about this storyline is that it was set against the backdrop of Julia and Tom trying to pen the Joe/Marilyn duet.  I almost wish that we had known about Michael and Julia's history before we saw her working on the song, because it would inform us about the personal opinions she might be projecting onto the piece.  She spends a lot of time pondering what Joe and Marilyn wanted, and comes up with one line of inspiration: "Marriage is a good thing."  That could've meant something really powerful to the audience if we knew that this character was reliving an old affair in her mind.  And again, to me, part of the interesting part of Smash is seeing the creative process unfurl, and how Tom's and Julia's and Derek's personal lives affect their work.  I want to see that potential fulfilled to its full extent!

As for Michael and Julia, I'm not entirely sure what we're supposed to feel about them.  The show went out of their way to show us that Michael is a devoted father with a stable home life, and given that Julia is the steady center to this universe, I can't say I want to see either of them begin their affair again.  It was interesting, though, to see their part in the payoff to Joe and Marilyn's duet: "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" played at episode's end, and reflected the couple's desire to shut out reality and construct a happy, simple world for themselves.  Ultimately though, it's a temporary escape, and the willingness to uphold what is essentially a delusion becomes tragic.  The performance was cross-cut with Julia reflecting on her marriage and affair with Michael, and the narrative connection was intriguing.  Julia and Michael's romance was constructed in the same bubble of fantasy, and it eventually burst.  Julia knows exactly how Marilyn and Joe feel, but at the same time she knows they're fools.  

This aspect of the narrative was so interesting to me I almost wish more storylines converged into the duet to provide an extra layer of meaning.  It certainly could have been done with Derek and Ivy, who seem to genuinely enjoy seeing one another, despite the fact that it's going to get complicated given their professional roles.  Kudos to Smash for allowing these two characters to actually want to date, and taking sexual favoritism off the table.  Good choice!  It's far more interesting when real feelings are involved.  I only wish we got to that moment of security a little faster, so that we could see Derek and Ivy start to construct their fantasy bubble for themselves.  Then, during the "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" duet, we could maybe get some foreshadowing of the problems they're going to face.  And points further if they're willing to hit them head-on, and if we're wanting them to make it through!  After all, Derek and Ivy are basically Michael and Julia, in their earliest incarnations, and I wish that we got a stronger line drawn between those parallels.  Or, maybe like Michael and Julia, maybe Derek and Ivy are doomed.  Either way, they're going to face a lot of obstacles if they plan on dating through the production.

Meanwhile, as Marilyn the Musical searched for its Joe, Eileen found herself struggling to secure investors for the show.  It's blatantly put forth that her contacts won't back her without Jerry, and even though Jerry is trying to team up with her again, Eileen's digging her heels in and refusing the help.  I can't decide what I'd like to see more out of this storyline.  On the one hand, it amuses me that every conversation between Eileen and Jerry results in Eileen tossing her drink in Jerry's face.  Plus, Jerry's jealousy is annoying, and the obvious lack of faith the investors have in Eileen is so patronizing I want to vomit.  Putting all those together, I'd like to see Eileen step up and get the money and put on the show herself and basically kick everyone's asses.  On the other hand, I like the idea of seeing Eileen and Jerry resuming their business partnership without restarting their relationship - it could be interesting.  Either way, there's plenty of drama to mine, and hopefully will amount to another couple Manhattans in Jerry's face.

The financial pressure is also put on Karen, who is now in the ensemble for the workshop, and facing a situation that not only sucks, emotionally, but that will also put a hurting on her wallet.  Dev offers to support her, but she's not sure she's ready for that, and so she returns home to Iowa for a weekend to take a break from both her Broadway fantasy and reality.  (Oh hey, is that another thematic connection we could've built on?  Perhaps.  It's a stretch, but something could've been done; sure.)  In the end, her dad gives her a check to extend her dreams, and hopefully something good will come of her willingness to accept a part in the ensemble of a workshop that's not even guaranteed the stage.

I'm not sure where Smash is taking Karen, but it'd be nice if they could find something that's not full-throttle moping about rejection but also far from throwing a wrench in Marilyn's production.  Granted, I don't know exactly what that could be, but hopefully the writers will find something for Karen to do that allows us to see her talent, and keeps her engaging in the storylines.  I will say, Katharine McPhee performed the hell out of "Redneck Woman," and I wish that we'd seen that Karen at some point in the first two episodes.  That's a lady who can carry a Broadway show!  Spunk, charm, and a powerhouse vocal?  Seeing is believing, and damn, girl, I saw it.

Finally, I have to talk about Ellis.  I say this with immense reluctance, because I'm pretty sure that if I could dropkick any character off of a TV show's roster, it would be this guy.  Seriously.  Why is he the source of all this conflict?  He's an assistant!  He has no power in this universe!  Why is he written to have all this power?  It makes me hate him.  I get that there's supposed to be conflict, and that sometimes an audience loves to hate a villain, but I don't think this is a suitable manifestation of either of those points.  Conflict should not be boomeranging in from an outside presence who should legitimately have nothing to do with the main decisions being made by main characters.  I'd much rather see conflict that arises naturally through complicated relationships and difficult decisions, not as a result of some asshole twerp stealing Julia's notebook for kicks and plotting some sort of blackmail against her because he eavesdrops on everything.  Ugh.  Go away, Ellis!  No one likes this guy.  Give me my conflict elsewhere, please.

Unfortunately, it looks like Ellis has some tricks up his sleeve, and I'm going to scoff annoyedly at every turn.  But, Smash presented a third episode that was solid and entertaining, with a handful of good choices for these characters that make it much easier to stay engaged in their storylines.  I'm glad!  Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go listen to "Redneck Woman" a few more times and try not to think about Ellis' existence on this show. 

The Report Card:
Dialogue: B
Plot: B
Character: B
Musical Numbers: A
Episode MVP: Karen

TV Report Card: Cougar Town 3x01 - "Ain't Love Strange"

Cougar Town is back, ladies and gentlemen!  With exactly as many cougars as they had before their eight-month hiatus: zero.  (Unless you count Jules and Laurie's attraction to dirty long hairs.)  No, Cougar Town is the best show on television that you're not watching, complete with a terrible name that's the reason you're not watching and the reason that the creators of Cougar Town include a self-deprecating disclaimer about it on every title card.  We all know the title sucks, so let's just move on and enjoy the show, yes?

Season Three began with "Ain't Love Strange," and after I finished stress-crying from the joy of the show returning to my life, I could actually cry at the episode itself!  That's right, I got a little teary-eyed at the end.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  "Ain't Love Strange" reintroduced the gang for anybody who may not be in the know: these are adults who sit around and drink all the time.  So much so that Jules, Courteney Cox's character, wants to change their habits... by inventing wine necklaces so that they have free use of their hands.  Immediately, Cougar Town wasn't missing a beat.

The main storyline of the hour was in the fallout from Grayson's suggestion that Jules is predictable.  Of course, everyone else backs up this claim, with a hilarious series of pantomimes, that results in Grayson in the doghouse and Laurie and Ellie getting off scot-free.  Jules claims to want surprise in her life, but Grayson has her (slightly longer) morning routine memorized to a tee, which she worries makes her boring.  Where most shows would fall easily into a well-worn trap of dwelling on this conflict through arguments, or throwing out punchline after punchline, Cougar Town instead supplies kooky and original gags that illustrate the idea without being formulaic.  Funnily enough, the show really does zag when you think it'll zig, and it keeps the pace quick and the comedy fresh.

Even throwaway jokes circle back around with new meaning - like Jules trying out her new one-two-punch of sneezing followed by a cute noise.  We saw it happen twice without consequence, but the third time it got her caught by the police (or Grayson pretending to be the police, rather).  Jules' mouthguard made it into the Slightly Longer Morning Routine Song twice, and the third time we saw it, she was using it as leverage in an argument with Grayson, to lighten the tone of the scene.  Say, is this also the Comedy Rule of Threes?  Damn, Cougar Town, it's like you're professionals or something!

The second storyline in "Ain't Love Strange" went to Ellie and Andy, and the struggle for them to deal with the fact that they're apparently raising a Devil Baby.  Stan, who grew a crap-ton since we last saw him, terrorizes his parents, and apparently wanders the neighborhood to smash things with a hammer when he gets angry.  Not gonna lie, I love that the show treated Stan kind of like a horror villain - we didn't really see him take action, but we saw him carrying a hammer, and we saw the slashed pillows, and the demon artwork on the fridge... making Ellie and Andy's real terror all the funnier.  Plus, a baby walking around with a hammer is funny.  I mean, when it's not real.

Laurie intersected with Ellie and Andy's storyline, first to fuel their fears, in classic Laurie style, then to bond with Stan and cause Ellie to worry that Stan could end up just like Laurie.  (It bears stating that Laurie is currently wearing an ankle bracelet after she punctured some lady's eardrum during a spiritual/sexual retreat gone wrong.  Eat Pray Tampa, indeed.)  But then the show smartly switched gears, as it does, and gave Laurie and Ellie a genuine scene to resolve the storyline: Laurie assured Ellie that Stan won't turn out like her, because he has two amazing parents, whereas Laurie had a lot of bum stepdads.  See, just because Ellie isn't always a lovely person, and Laurie is flirting dangerously with a "third strike" from the law, doesn't mean that they can't bond and be genuine friends.

The final storyline in "Ain't Love Strange" belonged to Travis and Bobby, whose father-son storylines get stronger and stronger.  It'd be easy to mine Bobby's shortcomings as a parent, and give the bulk of that angst to Travis.  But Cougar Town does the reverse, which is a smart move: Bobby is written as completely aware of his self-perceived failures as a parent, and worries that Travis thinks he doesn't owe his dad anything.  See, Bobby needs Travis to take in his dog (who, naturally, is named Dog Travis) and goes through the trouble to try and convince him, instead of just asking - because he's afraid Travis will say no.  Inversing these character's emotions works because it's unexpected, and defies a lot of comedy traditions: Bobby gets to be self-aware, which he usually is not, and Travis gets to be respectful of his dad through action, thereby allowing for some wiggle room on the jokes he can make during the rest of the episode.

Of course, Bobby and Travis' dilemma got the same type of Cougar Town treatment, with the best payoff in Travis' college-house green screen providing the rainy backdrop to the father and son reunion.  Andy would pay $12 to see that, and so would I!  There was also, of course, the previous incarnation of green-screening: Andy and Bobby holding hands and pretending to be flying while they worked out the real reasons that Bobby didn't want to ask Travis to take the dog.  Here, it was touching to see absurdism mixed with genuine emotions in order to balance out what could be saccharine.  Not only that, but the jokes weren't embedded in Bobby and Travis' flawed relationship, but rather in how the characters negotiated that like real human beings who care about one another.  It works out to be funnier, and more touching at the same time - a win-win!

At the end of the hour, Jules' attempts to precisionally gain revengenceance on her greasy-haired nemeses resulted in a true surprise: turns out Grayson, knowing full well how Jules would react to every step of the skater boys feud, had staged the whole scenario so he could propose to his girlfriend in the only fairy tale setting that involves toilet paper.  I adored the simplicity of his proposal, and I loved as well that Jules prefaced her answer with, "I'm gonna say yes, so don't get nervous."  And don't worry, Jules, you're a crazy person - you could never be boring.  (This is of course proven by the episode's tag, which featured Grayson gamely going along with the green screen recreation of his proposal in full romance-novel costume set against the beautifully digital backdrop of the Swiss Alps.  I love that Grayson goes along with Jules' crazy just as much as he pokes fun of her for it, and that it's clear he loves that about her.  Smart relationship plotting, Bill Lawrence.  Bring on the wedding!)

So, Cougar Town is back in our lives, with its trademark absurdism, humanity, and fantastic running jokes.  ABC did us a solid by bringing it back earlier than intended, but it's hard to believe that it can retain any audience from Last Man Standing, which doesn't seem congruent to anything Cougar Town fans would watch.  But I have hope!  Revengeance will be mine!  ...or something.  Regardless, you should be watching this show, no matter what name is on the title card.

The Best Jokes...

• The repeated assessment of what the gang "should" be - everybody minus Bobby and Laurie, then just Ellie and Julie, then Ellie deciding it should just be Ellie.
• That damn green screen.  So many good jokes out of that one piece.
• "Oh no, it's the fuzz!"
• Seeing the wine necklaces a second time in the episode.
• Bobby admitting that he's susceptible to picking up other people's emotions, which Travis immediately picks up on and tries to get Bobby to leave by yawning and claiming he's really tired.  Hilariously, Bobby starts to yawn uncontrollably.
• Sneezing with a cute noise tacked on the end... it's advised by Jules' therapist!  (Don't expect her to tell him the truth all the time, though.)
•  The entirety of Laurie's scene with Andy and Laurie about Stan's fridge artwork.  Seriously.  Every little part of it.

The RBI Report: "Heart"

Friends, far and wide: what year is it?  Is it 2009?  The early months of 2010, even?  Because I have not enjoyed an episode of Glee this much in many, many moons.  This is, by far, the best episode of Season 3.  And frankly, it's better than 90% of Season 2 as well.  This is an episode firing on all cylinders when I wasn't even sure there was an engine left in the car.  I am flabbergasted.  And happy that I don't have to be such a grumpster, for once.

"Heart," written by Ali Adler, directed by Brad Falchuk.

The biggest thing that "Heart" had going for it was the strongest and most genuine sense of ensemble this show has been able to display with its ever-growing, ne'er-shrinking cast of characters.  There were six - count 'em, six - story threads that wove together without being too plotted or theme-y, that progressed naturally and entertainingly, with interesting conflict and relatable emotions.  At this point, what more could we want?

The episode's frame came quickly and easily.  It's all about love, baby!  And this year, love at McKinley gets the Sugar Motta treatment - aka, it's rolled in money and glitter and waiting for you under your chair.  (Unless you're Artie, in which case it's hidden in some other location nearby.)  Putting Sugar as the episode's instigator was a great decision, because it allowed for her to be involved and true to her character, but it didn't force her on a super-serious character arc, which we can save for characters that we're already emotionally invested with.  Sugar got to be the comic relief, where she shines, and plus - she solved a huge problem lurking behind all of Glee's glitzy performances: how are they paying for all this?  Well, Sugar's got a rich dad and throws money around like nobody's business.  Problem solved!  No more bake sales for Regionals - plus, we get a Breadstix turned into the Sugar Shack, providing a Valentine's Day party that awaits us at episode's end!

But, Sugar wasn't just a plot device - she did get a fun and silly storyline where she had to decide who's going to take her to her own soirée.  Artie and Rory both stepped up to woo her, and this mini-thread was given the right amount of screentime.  Better yet, Ali and Brad employed the most magical filmmaking tool, and to great effect: a montage!  Mike and Tina serenaded us with a damn adorable version of "L-O-V-E" while we witnessed Rory and Artie's efforts to win over Sugar with confetti and puppies.  Doubled-up, it was cute, charming, and a nice bit of Valentine's Day fluff.  (Plus, how great did Jenna Ushkowitz and Harry Shum Jr. sound on that song?)

Of course, there also was some good serenading - Artie turned out a silky smooth performance of "Let Me Love You," and Rory crooned a melancholy version of "Home" to thank the glee club for being so hospitable during his year abroad.  Turns out his visa expires at the end of this school year, and so he's going to return to Ireland.  This tips the scales in his favor with Sugar, because she feels worse for him than she does for Artie, and thus Rory got the V-Day dance at the Sugar Shack.  Something tells me he might have been lying about his departure, but honestly I'm not terribly fussed with the particulars of this storyline.  Sugar is great because she's hardly connected to reality in any way, so truly: anything goes.  Bring on the absurdity!

We got an extra dose of absurd this week with, finally, the introduction of Rachel's dads into the fold.  Welcome, Fathers Berry!  We've been waiting for you.  Leroy and Hiram showed up to offer their full and unconditional support of Finn and Rachel's engagement, and encouraged them to shout their love to the rooftops.  These characters were so delightful to see, especially when they share the same manic showmanship as their daughter.  Of course the Berries would invite the Hudson-Hummels over to sing for them at the piano.  Of course. Expectations were met and exceeded with the cadence of these characters.

I confess though, during the first few scenes with Rachel's dads, I wasn't sure where we were headed.  They ran long, and didn't really contain much other than Leroy and Hiram being adorably blathering over their kid's happiness.  There seemed to be little point to their inclusion.  But the conflict was dropped in a reveal!  In an effort to deter Finn and Rachel's pending marriage with the realism of relationships, they schemed with Burt and Carole to force Finn and Rachel into each other's evening routines.  For Finn, this means waiting around while Rachel conducts an evening regimen that lasts longer than the entirety of Gone With the Wind.  For Rachel, this means having to know that your fiancé is taking a dump in your bathroom.

Somehow, a huge fight escalates out of this tiny and ridiculous (and kind of hilarious) conflict, and suddenly it's clear: with one champagne clink, we see that the Elder Berries are behind this ruse.  Giggle!  Turns out Hiram and Leroy are at-home members of the Support Group to Prevent Finchel Marriage, and the most conniving ones at that.  (Somehow I think Quinn and Kurt would be impressed, and proud.)  But they echoed what everyone else is voicing: that Finn and Rachel are too young and immature to get married right now, no matter how much they think they love one another.  Rachel and Finn are committed to this runaway train engagement, though, and survived their first fight, more devoted than ever.  The dads' sneaky plan did nothing, and Finn and Rachel are now planning to get married in May.  And not only that, but Rachel's officially down two potential bridesmaids in Kurt and Quinn!  Dammit!  Can nothing go right?!  (I kid.)

The most interesting storyline of the night, though, goes to the intersection between the "God Squad," the New Kid, and Santana's fight for her rights.  Automatically, doesn't that sound like the greatest thing ever?  And truthfully, it kind of was.  Sure, introducing an out-of-nowhere Christian club could feel a little like a plot device.  But the discussion it sparked was well worth any clunky establishing.  Not only that, but it fueled three different displays of excellent character development, so there is absolutely no complaining from this party.

The God Squad consists of Mercedes, Sam, and Quinn, all characters that we've previously known to be church-going, and a new kid, Joe -  played by the Glee Project winner Samuel Larsen.  Introducing a Christian character on Glee is dangerous territory.  It's easy to write a character that's so conservative they become an exaggeration, someone akin to Quinn's original rendering, way back when.  But Joe is already played against type: he has dreads, a nose ring, and could have easily been cast as "the bad boy."  So kudos for originality!

The four kids decide to sell singing Valentines at school, and successfully deliver Finn's to Rachel with a solid rendition of "Stereo Hearts."  Santana, witnessing this, puts a plan into effect.  See, what with Valentine's Day and all, she and Brittany tried to smooch in the hallways, only to get reprimanded by Principal Figgins for inappropriate PDA.  Obviously, the real issue is not the affection, but the affection between two female students, and Santana calls Figgins out on the bullshit double standard.  So when the Christian group offers to sing Valentine's messages, Santana puts tolerance to the test: will the God Squad sing a romantic song for a same-sex relationship?

Essentially, this is a huge, real-life, hits-close-to-home topic for many people, shrunk down to fit a high school environment.  It delineates the conflict of Christianity vs. Homosexuality, using characters whose points of view we understand, without any heavy-handed messages where the kids learn a Very Important Lesson.  Yet, the point is clear.  Quinn, Mercedes, and Sam all have no issues with it, having been in the glee club's culture of tolerance for so long.  Joe is the wild card, and we're not sure what he'll say - after all, he thinks he's never met a gay person.  Truthfully, the message of the storyline lies with Quinn, someone who's had to look at her religion and scrutinize her relationship with it during difficult times in her life.  She knows her stuff, and not only points out that the Bible says nothing about gay people (or about slavery being an abomination) but that to her, being a true Christian means looking at hard questions and really thinking about the truths.

Quinn, thus, is the first person to receive benevolent character treatment by this storyline.  She not only speaks her mind, but supports Santana, who (lest we forget) is her oldest friend at McKinley.  It was a rewarding and touching choice to give the bulk of the Santana-Brittany valentine song to Quinn, who at some point had to negotiate her religion and her best friends' feelings - and has always proven to be at least quietly supportive.  So, witnessing that support take shape into an action was a wonderful payoff to the original Cheerios' relationship.  Maybe we'll get more: Quinn's treatment by the writers this season has done a complete 180, and I couldn't be happier.

Santana was the second character to get the boon of the God Squad storyline, in that she stood up for her beliefs, called out an authority figure on his bias, and didn't back down from showing the world she loves Brittany.  This is a far cry from the girl who was scared of the looks and the talks, and although it's been an inconsistent and bumpy ride from then to now, it's still rewarding to see Santana's change manifested so strongly.  This is the girl we know and love, and I would much rather see commentary on gay teenagers with this message rather than gay panic and social ostracization (especially when the latter is so poorly handled).  Plus, we finally got Brittana's first onscreen kisses, with two bookending their story arc: a quick peck to demonstrate that they're not all over each other like Finn and Rachel (hee) and a meaningful kiss at the Valentine's Day party.  I never thought I'd say this, but it was well worth the wait.

Lastly, Mercedes was the third beneficiary of the God Squad Holy Trinity, with the realization that cheating on Shane with Sam didn't align with what kind of person she wants to be.  This was slyly included as a consequence of Quinn's definition of a "true Christian," but Mercedes' epiphany was not overtly religious - she simply was the first character on this show to not only experience remorse for cheating, but also to do something about it.  She told Sam she couldn't be with him.  And not only that, but she confessed to Shane, and he was heartbroken.  There are already a few things at work here that are excellent choices, but I was mainly thrilled that no one shamed Mercedes for her transgression.  We didn't see Shane yell at her.  We didn't see Sam yell at her.  I was worried for a moment when Sam wordlessly walked away to leave Mercedes to her tears, but I think his part in the performance of "I Will Always Love You" clarifies Sam's emotions.  Because goodness, how heartwrenching were Chord Overstreet's reaction shots?  The idea that he understands Mercedes' emotions, but at the same time he's clearly heartbroken by the turn of events... ugh, I couldn't handle that face.  Throw in Amber Riley's bone-chilling performance of the late Whitney Houston's classic, and the only outcome is soaking through a box of tissues.

(Can I just say as well that I loved the minor character detail of Mercedes taking a leadership position in the God Squad?  She had turned out to be a damn fine leader in the Troubletones, and I love that this gets to be an actual character trait for our girl.  Go Mercedes!)

The final thread in tonight's episode dealt with Kurt, and paid off in a much larger way than anyone could have guessed.  Kurt started receiving messages from a secret admirer, and due to Blaine's continued recovery from eye surgery, we all assumed they were offscreen gifts from Blaine.  Cute, right?  But the writers threw us for a loop, and Kurt's admirer was revealed to be Dave Karofsky, who's finally come to terms with not only his sexuality, but also his feelings for Kurt.  I'm unsure yet what path this storyline is going to take, but it was handled well within the episode - Kurt said all the right things to Karofsky and in all the right ways, and it was, again, rewarding to see these two's evolving dynamic, after all they've been through together.  I'm guessing that whoever that Nick guy is, he's not good news for Karofsky keeping his sexuality a secret, and we'll see where this goes from here.

But even with all this conflict, everyone convened for Sugar's Valentine's Day extravaganza, and we got to see not only the wrap-ups for most of the characters, but also the return of Blaine, who remembered to bring his glittery heart eyepatch.  Phew!  Then, "Heart" ended with the one-two punch of "Cherish" and "Love Shack," the latter of which was so much more fun than I could have ever envisioned.

In all, that seemed to be the theme of the night: Ali Adler and Brad Falchuk assembled a damn solid episode that exceeded every expectation I could have ever had.  "Heart" demonstrated a fine ensemble, and allowed its characters interesting conflict, genuine moments of development, and some damn good comedy on top of that.  (Even besides Sugar, Hiram, and Leroy, we got some great bits of humor from all parties.  Puck still proves to be one of the best go-to guys for background bits, and Sam and Mercedes' debate about which apostle could be gay had me in stitches.  Imagine what those two talk about all the time - it's wonderful.)  Happy Valentine's Day, indeed!  I'm feeling the love.

The RBI Report Card...

Musical Numbers: A+

Dance Numbers: A

Dialogue: A

Plot: A

Characterization: A

Episode MVP: Ali Adler (heyo!)

TV Report Card: Smash 1x02 - "The Callback"

Previously, I had high hopes for Smash.  The Pilot held a lot of promise, despite some iffy issues in storytelling that I'd hoped they would clear up.  "The Callback," the show's second offering, unfortunately doesn't do much to polish up the shortcomings from the Pilot - and combined with the dip in ratings from Week 1 to Week 2, I'm getting nervous for the future of Smash.  

The main problems Smash has boil down into writing for their characters, and their conflicts, which, when you add them up, equals most of the storytelling in an hour of television.  "The Callback," for example, was intended to finish the casting process for Marilyn, with the final decision about the lead.  Would it be Ivy, or Karen?  It makes sense, then, to give Ivy and Karen the biggest plotlines in the episode - give them the spotlight!  Put them front and center!  Make us invest in these ladies and their struggles!  But every glimpse into what it was like for Ivy and Karen was fleeting, and one-dimensional.  Poor Ivy was saddled with the "sleeps with the director" plotline that Karen side-stepped last week, and Karen was not much better off with the "stood up boyfriend because of rehearsal" trope.  It would be one thing if these storylines were well-supported... but they weren't.  

A much stronger choice for these characters would have been to look at their characteristics, and manifest story out of those.  And frankly, those characteristics are already on the table, thanks to Smash's endless onscreen analysis of what makes each woman right and wrong for the part.  Karen is inexperienced and innocent.  So, give her a storyline where her innocence gets her into trouble, or where it benefits her.  Ivy has experience, but she's trying too hard.  So, she should have a storyline where her perfectionism and experience pays off, or is her downfall.  Without connecting Karen and Ivy's strengths and weaknesses into the plot, Smash is forcing the conflict to stretch out across too many scenes, and it's not building at all - it's just breaking.  We see Ivy reading a Marilyn book.  We see her practicing.  We see how badly she wants it, but we don't feel it.  We see Karen struggle with a scene.  We see Karen struggle with dancing.  And we all hear, over and over, the exact same thing: Ivy's experienced, but Karen could be a star!  We get it.  Either use it as a starting point to give us more information that changes our opinion, or wrap it up more quickly.

It's frustrating, because as a result, we're not sure what the writers are trying to do with these characters, and it's easy to check out from caring about them.  What are we expecting will happen to Karen, now that the part isn't hers?  What are we supposed to think about Ivy sleeping with Derek?  (We know nothing about the consequences of that action, or the intentions behind it, frankly.)  Should we be worried that Eileen can't handle the business side of producing?  Should I wonder if choosing Ivy was the wrong decision?  It's not enough for the writers to just lay their plot out in sequence; they have to help the audience engage with the material - which is most easily done by establishing character empathy and character intentions.

For example, part of "The Callback" dealt with Julia's family life.  Before I say anything, let me preface: Julia is the character I care about most, given what Smash has presented about her.  This is because I know what Julia wants: she wants to write a musical, and she wants to adopt a baby.  Boom!  Clear objectives, right from the beginning.  Julia's husband is not so clearly defined.  Last episode, he griped at Julia for working on a musical when they're supposed to be pursuing the adoption process.  This episode, he balks at the long timeline, tells Julia he doesn't want to continue with the process, and that he wants to go back to teaching.  But then he magically shows up to hear Julia's letter to her daughter's birth mother, and changes his mind.  This guy is all over the place, and we're not with him at all.  It's even more poorly constructed when their son, whom we hardly know, bursts onto the scene to yell at Julia about how badly he wanted a sibling.  As an audience, we had no idea either of these characters were feeling these things until it was time to barf them into a plot point.  It's cheap!  As an audience, we need to see that set up.  Clear intentions make for clearer conflict - and clearer resolution.  How hard would it be to see Frank's point of view before he just lurks in the doorway like a creeper and resolves the conflict?  It feels false, because we're not with his character at all.

Poor conflict was also found in Dev and Karen's storyline, wherein Karen stood up Dev at an important business dinner.  There are several things wobbly about this endeavor, most of which can be chalked up to logic more than anything else.  Firstly, this is 2012.  I'm not sure why all the wives and girlfriends have to go along on a business dinner like it's a night out with Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce.  Secondly, Karen knew what she was doing, and her phone was sticking right out the top of her bag.  Really?  She's that meek around the director that she won't take a second to fire off a text?  I'm not buying it.  (And yes, this is technically an area where Karen's "innocence" could be incorporated into plot, but it wasn't.  And last week, she was on Derek's lap in just a button-down, so I'm leaning towards the 'Karen can take care of herself' verdict.)  Not only that, but I found it ridiculous that Dev couldn't recover from his girlfriend's absence, unless he was worried about her physical safety - in which case, it should have been mentioned.  The amount of problems this paper-thin conflict created was, frankly, underwhelming.  Not only that, but signs seem to be pointing to Dev and Karen's demise in favor of whatever "sexual tension" she may have with Derek, which... well.  Consider me underwhelmed with that development, at least from this place in the narrative so far.

There was one conflict that held promise - but it rose and fell in the course of one scene.  Turns out Derek was being pursued to helm the My Fair Lady project, which was obliquely referenced as well in the Pilot.  At the end of "The Callback," Derek reveals to Eileen that he was asked to do My Fair Lady, but he turned it down.  Mr. Grumpy Director chose to do Marilyn!  How great is that?  But it wasn't a storyline at all - it was barely mentioned!  Truthfully, it should have been the episode's third major plotline.  It would've allowed Ivy, Karen, and Derek to take centerstage as the main trio working through callbacks, and given Derek a choice to make, which in turn would let us understand him as a character.  This is a guy who hates one of our mains (Tom) and who tried to sleep with both of his leads.  Not only that, but he was approaching Marilyn like a business decision.  So to see him work on the show all episode, with a decision to make about whether or not he would stick with it, would be a nice little mini-arc for that character.  We could see him enjoying himself, and the choice to stay with Marilyn would tell us that Derek does indeed care about the project.  It would also cement a relationship between Derek and Ivy and Karen better than any private lesson could.

But unfortunately, Derek is left like most of the other parts of this ensemble: with offscreen objectives, who renders slightly two-dimensional because of the way the writers are choosing to write these characters into their conflicts.  It's frustrating, because Smash has the potential to be dazzling, fun, and cathartic - these characters are clearly talented, have the potential for interesting working and personal relationships, and ultimately do have dreams.  But they're not being scaled down into scene-to-scene objectives to help us stick with them through their struggles.  And I have a feeling that unless Smash can get us engaged with their characters' objectives and demonstrate meatier conflict, it'll be seeing more and more audience members tuning out.

The Report Card:
Dialogue: C
Plot: C
Character: C
Musical Numbers: A
Episode MVP: Julia

10 Things: the 2012 Grammy Performances

My relationship with the music industry is about an inch deep and a mile wide, so I don't usually get excited about the Grammy awards.  But, after the untimely passing of Whitney Houston, I sat down for the show just to see Jennifer Hudson's tribute - and got sucked into the entire show.

Really, the Grammys aren't truly an awards show.  Yes, they hand out awards, but at essence: they are the coolest concert you could possibly go to in the current year.  They stage performance after performance, that compile old acts and new, honoring music history as well as indulging in the jams that fancy today's populace.  For that reason, they are actually entertaining to watch, and I found myself glad I tuned in.  So, let's talk ten of the acts from last night:

I. Jennifer Hudson honoring Whitney Houston

This was the reason I was there, and it did not disappoint.  It was a touching tribute by one of the only women today who can rival Whitney's vocals - but the best part about it was that she didn't try and imitate Ms. Houston in the slightest.  Instead, every note resonated simply, and hung heavy in the air with gravitas.  Even Whitney's big vocal moments translated to a gravelly crying out of pain, and watching Jennifer Hudson summon all her resolve to not break down on stage was heartbreaking.  This was basically a perfect tribute, and kudos to J. Hud for not only the vocal but for also making it through without crying.  A+ 

II. Coldplay and Rihanna

When you hear that Coldplay and Rihanna are teaming up, it's an immediate hook, line, and sinker.  These are two different genres, two different kinds of musicians - what sort of amazing synthesis are they going to create?  Well, they only overlapped a little with a stripped-down performance of "Princess of China," and it all kind of blew away anyways with Rihanna tearing up "We Found Love."  It still boggles my mind how anthemic that song is, and I'm pretty sure you could've powered the Staples Center on the amount of electricity the performance generated.  As for Coldplay, they delivered a predictable piece of sublime melancholy, and I confess that my attention wandered.  B+

III. Nicki Minaj and the exorcism of Roman

Oh, Nicki.  This, of course, is the one everyone's talking about - and not in a good way.  Bogged down with overt Catholic symbolism and an unnecessary narrative, "Roman Holiday" left a sour taste in most people's mouths, and I can't say I'm not one of them.  Obvious comparisons between this inflated showmanship with Adele's stripped-down tour de force don't help the matter.  I love Nicki, but I love her for her talent first - especially when she's such a rarity in the music industry.  She's a successful lady rapper!  I wish she had just gone up there and torn a song apart the way she's clearly capable of, without any of the controversial distractions.  Curse you, Roman!  D 

IV. Glen Campbell and "Rhinestone Cowboy" 

This performance came on the heels of the Band Perry and Blake Shelton paying homage to the legendary Glen Campbell, who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and dedicated himself to living out the rest of his days performing for as long as he can.  It wasn't hard to forgo tissues, though, seeing how joyful a performance "Rhinestone Cowboy" was.  Perhaps the best tribute was seeing everyone onstage singing along, because they loved the song and knew all the words.  A 

V. Kelly Clarkson and Jason Aldean

First things first: I love this duet!  It's a nice break from the anthemic girl power tracks that load Kelly Clarkson's album (although I love those too) and even better to hear Kelly's voice showcased in a different genre.  Confining her to pop/rock is a disservice to her abilities!  That being said, the sound guys had it in for this one, as Kelly's mic messed up at the beginning, and Jason Aldean's cut out completely during the climax of the song.   Even despite that, the harmonies alone were worth the listen.  Also, Jason Aldean's hat was intense.  B+

VI. Adele's return

This, alongside the Whitney tribute, was what everyone was waiting for.  We all knew the story: Adele had to be silenced earlier this year and have surgery to remove a benign but hemorrhaging polyp on her vocal chords.  And the 2012 Grammys would be her first live performance since the successful surgery.  Oh, the anticipation!  In the end, she delivered a fantastic rendition of "Rolling in the Deep," and even though she seemed hesitant to strain herself at the start, she loosened up towards the end, and everyone in the audience gave a collective sigh of relief that the most compelling voice to emerge in recent history wouldn't be deprived a future.  (They threw in six Grammys for good measure.)  A+

VII. Chris Brown did something presumably less offensive than physical abuse

Yeah, I'm including him just to make the point that I didn't watch it.  Putting Chris Brown onstage for people to cheer for him is just not something I want to witness, or support.  So, I turned it to Rush Hour 3 and chuckled at Chris Tucker for a few minutes.  F    

VIII. Katy Perry

Katy Perry doubled up with two songs last night: "E.T." and "Part of Me."  Vocally, she sounded great, and I loved that she put two of her songs into the same piece, but I didn't really understand what the intention was with the set performance.  It attempted to be pyrotechnic, but stripped down, but with backup dancers, but with elaborate staging - and somehow didn't really achieve a cohesive version of any of those things.  Mostly, it left me confused.  Maybe singing two songs was therefore both the strength and weakness of this attempt.  C

IX. Alicia Keys and Bonnie Raitt honoring Etta James

This is what I love to see at the Grammys: two artists from different backgrounds coming together in one single performance.  Alicia Keys and Bonnie Raitt did a solid tribute to Etta James, equipped only with one piano, one guitar, and two great voices.  "Sunday Kind of Love" only sounds better when Etta's singing it, and that's how it should have been.  A

X. Bruno Mars

I confess, I'm not the biggest fan of Bruno Mars.  It's not that I don't like, I just don't really listen.  So I wasn't entirely sure what to expect with him last night.  But damn, did that man put on a show!  With a James Brown pompadour and moves like Elvis, his performance jump-started the Grammys and provided a great contemporary performance that tipped a hat to the past, showed off the present, and most of all - didn't overwork itself trying to show up Lady Gaga.  Of course, I couldn't tell you for the life of me what song Bruno sang, but I am happy to report that I was completely entertained for the duration of it.  A

The RBI Report: "The Spanish Teacher"

Before I get into tonight's recap, it must be said that I actually watched "The Spanish Teacher" with my mother, who is, in fact, a Spanish teacher.  Like Will, she is not a native speaker.  Unlike Will, she actually speaks the language and is a good teacher.  So, needless to say, experiencing this episode with her was hilarious because she was pretty outraged at Will's behavior, cover-to-cover.  (But honestly, ever since Matt Morrison failed to roll his Rs at some point early in the first season, she's been dubious.  She also likes to complain about how Burt Hummel just walks onto campus like he owns the place and doesn't seem to get a visitor badge from the attendance office.  But that's neither here nor there.)

"The Spanish Teacher," written by Ian Brennan, directed by Paris Barclay

Truthfully, you don't have to be a Spanish teacher, Spanish speaker, or even know exactly where Spain is on a map to be outraged at certain parts of last night's episode.  And isn't it terrible (and telling, frankly) that we weren't sure if Glee was going to acknowledge how offensive it was being?  After souring episodes like "Mash Off" and "I Kissed a Girl," we couldn't be sure if dictionary-translating a long-lost Elvis song and choreographing a mariachi'd bullfight was really supposed to be an appropriate and realistic love letter to Spanish-speaking cultures.

But luckily, the offensive parts were highlighted as being genuinely offensive, and most of the wrongs committed were righted by episode's end.  How rewarding!  And, let's face it, unusual.

And what was so unexpected about the whole thing was how committed the writing was to portraying Will Schuester, Spanish teacher, and erstwhile hero to many people's lives, as a complete idiot.  He's a Spanish teacher who doesn't speak Spanish!  Demonstrably, on screen!  He legitimately does not know things a Spanish teacher should know!  It took me the first ten minutes of this episode to even just pick my jaw up off the ground at not only how offensive Will was in his incompetence, but simply how offensive his incompetence was, full stop.

Of course, watching this in the same room as a teacher - a Spanish teacher at that - meant that there was a lot of outraged gasps and scoffing.  The idea that Will has taught at McKinley High for three years without being able to proficiently speak Spanish is mind-boggling, and while it was a treat to see that oversight corrected, I think it also delineates how "The Spanish Teacher" could have been tweaked to have a stronger message.

Basically, excepting the next logical progressions with the Support Group to Prevent Finchel Marriage (McKinley High Chapter, co-presidents Quinn Fabray and Kurt Hummel), each of this episode's plotlines incorporated an educator demonstrating to the audience whether or not they deserved tenure - the objective for each of them.  In the A plotline, Will Schuester desperately tried to hang on to his relevance by belligerently bluffing about how little Spanish he knew.  In the B storyline, Sue Sylvester tried to pursue her dream of motherhood, only to be interfered with by a bad evaluation.  (She also tried to solicit sperm from students.  Bad form.)  In the C plot, Emma gave actual advice to Mercedes and Sam, and pursued creating more cheeky pamphlets that help educate teenagers on topics that are sometimes difficult to discuss out loud.

Basically, the bad teachers were given A and B - and the most screentime - and the best teacher had C - the least screentime.  In the end, it was the right decision to hold everyone accountable, which is why Will deferred his position, Sue took the criticism gracefully, and Emma was awarded tenure.  But at the same time, by having Will take up so much screentime being an idiot, it's hard to weight that against the outcome, no matter how justified.  

Bear with me for a moment while I step up onto a soapbox.  The thing is this: our education system is already a giant tangle in the United States.  Everyone knows it's important, but nobody in charge seems to realize how exactly to maximize student learning gains.  The focus has been placed on the students: how are the students performing?  If they take this test or that exam and achieve a certain score, are they meeting the standards outlined for educational goals?  In the process, teachers are getting slammed with paperwork and extra accountability, and measures have even been taken to tie teachers' salaries with the success rate of their students' test scores.

But truthfully, books and tests don't teach.  Teachers teach.  And good teachers find a way to make the material relevant and meaningful to their students - like Emma did with her pamphlets, or like David Martinez did with his idea about music and getting kids engaged with the content.  And while I know that not all teachers are good teachers, it'd be nice to see the media give more credence to the ones like Emma or David Martinez, rather than forcing us to watch Will Schuester make an idiot out of himself and Sue Sylvester care more about her womb than her students for a solid half-hour.

Okay, okay.  Soapbox done.  But if Will weren't hogging the first forty minutes with his offensiveness, we could've actually gotten an episode that appreciated the Hispanic culture - which is what I thought the writers were setting out to do.  We could've spent some more time with Santana, or with David.  What if we flashed back to Santana's quince?  (Assuming she had one, and that it could be made relevant to the plot.)  What if Brittany actually knew some stuff, through having spent time with Santana's family?  And hey, you know who speaks Spanish?  Harry Shum, Jr.!  Maybe he could've been used to prove that you don't have to actually be a native speaker to appreciate a culture!  Because Will certainly wasn't repping that crowd.

What if they sang songs that weren't just Spanish translations of American pop songs, but that were actually culturally authentic?  Where was Shakira?  David Bisbal?  Juanes?  Julieta Venegas?  It was great to hear the Gipsy Kings and Gloria Estefan (and okay, I guess Enrique too) - but I was less enthused about the lack of authenticity in "Sexy and I Know It," "La Isla Bonita," and "A Little Less Conversation."  If there had been a little less misappropriation at the forefront, we could've actually gotten a chance to be culturally aware and appreciative.  But when has Glee succeeded at authenticity anyways?  Perhaps I hope for too much.

Again, these are somewhat personal complaints that are made considerably less prickly when you consider how the narrative treated Will and his idiocy, by the end.  We even got a double dose of accountability in his treatment of Emma!  She came to him trying to show him her pamphlets, and he lashed out at her with a stinking mass of Macho Man Condescension.  Geez, Emma, can't you see I'm using this Spanish-English dictionary because I'm trying to take care of you?!  Get those silly pieces of paper out of here!  I'm translating an Elvis song!  (Yes, Will Schuester.  Emma's the silly one.)  

But I'm being harsh.  The resolution to this conflict was actually pretty adorable and well-written, with Will embarrassedly presenting his own pamphlets to Emma in apology and congratulation of her new tenured position.  There's the Will Schuester I remember!  And the show did a good job reminding us that Will has had his good moments as well, with Santana offering up what she learned from him: without passion, you can't succeed.  Aw, look!  A touching moment without any protesting from my gag reflex!  Ian Brennan pulled it off well.

While we're skirting the subject, let's talk Santana for a moment.  This was our girl, back in full form!  It's been awhile since we've seen Santana written to her best possible incarnation in the best possible role in the narrative.  And for a bit there, the writers seemed to love unempowering Santana while dialing up her snark into cruelty, just so that people yell at her.  Rude!  But "The Spanish Teacher" delivered a Titi Snix who, yeah, acted as an adversary, but who was also ultimately correct.  You can't argue with a student who is asking for a better education than they're receiving.  And you really can't argue with a Puerto Rican student who is questioning the way their culture and the cultures of other countries are being represented by a teacher.  This worked because Santana had a voice, and part of Glee's place in the TV world is providing a voice to young people who wouldn't otherwise have one on television.

Ultimately, Santana was wielded in the way that Glee's loveable villains should be wielded: she provided opposition, but was definitely reasonable in her perspective - and in this case in particular, she was completely right.  Unfortunately, Sue and Terri and Quinn and Santana are only occasionally given this opportunity, but Santana was blessed with it last night - to great effect.  She carried the entire message of the plotline on her shoulders.  Sue, on the other hand, didn't quite achieve the same treatment, although her storyline still allowed her to be multi-dimensional, which is always appreciated.

See, because even though "The Spanish Teacher" highlighted an incompetent Will Schuester, and despite the fact that we've seen countless instances where Sue professes genuine hate for the man... Sue still wanted Will's sperm for her baby.  Because he's such a nice, kind guy!  Meh.  I was not on board with this, because the strongest Sue Sylvester is the one who cares about the students but only has begrudging respect for Will.  And frankly, this is also the strongest Will Schuester, in terms of his relationship to Sue.  Furthermore, we saw a Will Schuester this episode that was probably more aligned to how Sue sees him all the time - thereby calling even more attention to the fact that Sue wanting his baby is seriously out of character.  If you want a touching moment with Sue and Will, have them slip into a comedic funk after having their egos deflated by a bad evaluation - make them gloomily eat ice cream together and mope about their overlapping woes.  It's charming, realistic, and doesn't have anything to do with sperm.

In all, the Sue-wants-a-baby thing whiffs faintly of Glee's attempts to find Sue Sylvester something else to do on this show that isn't insulting its main characters and trying to destroy the glee club.  Which is valid - I'm all on board for new conflict.  But unfortunately, none of these redirections are working out well for Sue because the writers aren't letting her succeed.  Serve as principal?  Nope.  Cheerios?  No national championship.  Running for public office?  Lose to Burt Hummel.  The insistence on forcing Sue into permanent "failure" because she's a "villain" prevents her from creating any conflict that could possibly make her an interesting villain again!  Catch-22.

What did work for Sue was her interactions with Becky, and the appreciation Sue had for Becky's honesty.  Truth be told, I felt a little bad for Sue, what with everyone's public disbelief (and sometimes mockery) about the possibility that she could have a baby at her age.  To that end, Sue's scenes with Roz Washington and Santana felt a little extraneous, and with Roz's inclusion in particular it seemed like Sue was misplacing her dissatisfaction with her job into the idea that she wants a child to care for.  From that perspective, Sue becomes somewhat tragic, but the episode didn't really hit those notes, and the Baby Storyline remains a large question mark for me.  We'll see where it goes - if anywhere.

Of course, we also discovered more members of the Support Group to Prevent Finchel Marriage (McKinley High Chapter) - with Rachel revealing her engagement to Mercedes and Kurt at one of their adorable sleepovers I'm super jealous of.  Turns out Mercedes and Kurt are also dubious about this progression, no matter how much Rachel protests that Finn's in all of her dreams and she really wants this.  But we've heard a lot from Rachel on the topic, so it was excellent to see Kurt going to Finn in an effort to have a real talk with him about his future.  The idea that Finn and Rachel's commitment to one another is a result of their insecurities about their futures is, as we've covered, mind-boggling, but also incontrovertible at this point.  Both Kurt and Quinn have highlighted that for not only the audience, but Finn and Rachel themselves.  But when will the writers choose to back them out of it?

The upside of this strange construct is indeed the way that Quinn and Rachel related to one another last week, and the way that Finn and Kurt echoed that dynamic this week.  If you go way back when to the origins of Glee, you could very easily argue that the most important characters for Finn and Quinn to interact with, as reigning quarterback and head cheerleader, would be Kurt, and Rachel, respectively, in their places as geeks who could actually become friends.  In that sense, it's rewarding to see that thought finally paid off in a real way, manifested onscreen and in storyline.  (Of course, it's interesting to note that the roles have reversed for Rachel and Quinn - or have at least gone through two cycles.  Finn has fallen from grace, and Kurt is bringing him back up.  But Quinn fell from grace once, Rachel helped bring her up, and now Quinn is returning the favor.  Take it and run with it, Faberry fans.)

Finally, we had a little Samcedes development that was much-needed for the couple.  Previously, the writers devoted time to their flirtation without really allowing the audience to see why we should be rooting for them as a couple.  In "The Spanish Teacher," Mercedes still feels conflicted, so she and Sam decide to confront the problem by seeking advice from Emma.  Firstly, this is adorable, and I wish more students at McKinley would take this route.  Secondly, Emma's advice involved Mercedes and Sam spending some time apart from one another, disconnected from technology, to really understand what their feelings are doing.  (This was made even better by Sam's attempt to get "Mercedes smells good today" trending on Twitter.  Adorable times two.)  In the end, Sam and Mercedes spent the whole episode apart, and when the clock ticked down on their week of incommunication, they were both waiting for one another in the hallway.  Say it with me: awwww.

Ultimately, this episode provided the breath of life into Samcedes that I've been waiting for!  It made them a couple we want to root for, with the least amount of needless pizzazz and flair.  Ian Brennan kept it simple, and in doing so, communicated more about this couple than any duet or love triangle could get across.  It's basic: they like talking with one another.  That's it.  It's instant likeability points, and so Samcedes now has a little foundation, and some charm propelling it into the resolution of Mercedes' choice.

Not only that, but it helped demonstrate an example of Emma being a good counselor, and combined with the success of the "Taint Misbehavin'" pamphlet (thanks, Coach Beiste!), Emma's tenure achievement is well-earned.  Most things in this episode were, and while it was a bit bewildering in parts, overall it was solid storytelling, with many well-written moments.  And even though Glee tried to throw a sombrero on anything that moved, it still delivered the right message - with or without Shakira.  (But let's face it, if you have a choice, the answer is always WITH SHAKIRA.)

Final quibble: where the hell was Tina?  The fact that Blaine had a plot-derived eye surgery explaining his absence, while Tina was missing with nary a mention makes me skeptical.  More Tina, please.  Like with Shakira, the answer is always: more Tina, whenever possible. 

The RBI Report Card...

Musical Numbers: C

Dance Numbers: B

Dialogue: A

Plot: A-

Characterization: A-

Episode MVP: Santana Lopez

Love Bloggo: NBC's Who Do You Think You Are?

Occasionally I worry that because of the synchronization of Glee simultaneously dominating my blog and swirling down the toilet, this place has become far too negative and nitpicky.  I love things, I promise!  And it was recently suggested to me by an anonymous reader that I should share more of the things I love - books, television, music, etc.  

So, in an effort to spruce up this bloggo with positivity and sunshine, I present the first in what will hopefully be a continued trend of sharing random things I love, to balance out the long-winded criticisms occupying the archives.

The first thing you should know about me (which you probably already do) is that I am an extreme nerd.  Now, as we all are aware, there are different types of nerds.  No need to lump us all together in one big category.  There are math nerds, science nerds, video game nerds, comic book nerds, sci-fi nerds, music nerds, film nerds, book nerds, word nerds, history nerds, humanities nerds, art nerds - you get the idea.  I happen to be a conglomeration of the latter five, give or take.  I also happen to be a genealogy nerd.  It sort of combines my love for history and sociology and humanities with my penchant for organization and documentation, with added storyteller and mystery intrigue thrown in.  As such, I am a huge nerd for NBC's Who Do You Think You Are?

It doesn't seem like something that'd ordinarily do well on television: every episode follows a celebrity on a journey to discover their family history.  They talk to a relative to get a few leads, then, as most of them are part of America's historical "melting pot," whisk away to their original homelands to trace the steps.  They meet up with genealogists and hold original documents in awe, and walk the same paths their ancestors did, if they're lucky.  It's part documentary, part reality show, and part mystery hour.

But at the same time, every episode promises intrigue and self-discovery, as every subject inevitably compares their ancestor's circumstances and choices to their own life experiences.  The urge to look at the family that produced you to try and find some similarity in yourself is universal and singularly human, and it's amazing to see the connections people actually legitimately make to their pasts.

Tonight, Who Do You Think You Are? returned with Martin Sheen as its celebrity subject, which means that we also learned the ancestry of Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen!  Sheen traced an uncle on his mother's side to the rabble-rousing half of the Irish Civil War and a great-uncle on his father's to the law-abiding half of Spanish Civil War, and both parties on either side spent significant time in jail.  As a result, this episode quickly became a sober reminder of history's atrocities and how they affected so many people so permanently.  And for me, it's this that is the most powerful aspect of Who Do You Think You Are? and genealogical research in general.  

There are events in human history that bind countless people together, and affect them irreversibly.  Sometimes it's happenstance, like famines and illnesses and outbreaks.  But mostly, it's the dark side of humanity and human actions, where wars reach into every home and disturb a family enough to create a lasting mark on the lives of their descendants, most of whom never even realize. 

So that's what Who Do You Think You Are? is for: for the descendants to understand the realities their ancestors faced, the stories they lived in real life, the seemingly random or mundane events of their life that were woven inextricably into the fabric of their contexts, and dominoed just so, thereby creating the descendant's entire existence, mostly likely taken for granted.

In the case of Martin Sheen, he discovered a half-a-dozen-greats grandfather in Spain that was a judge hellbent on persecuting a young woman in the village who aborted a baby fathered by a married man above her status.  She was lucky enough to escape, and eventually moved away to start a new life in another town.  Then, lo and behold, four generations later, her great-great-great-great granddaughter married her persecutor's great-great-great-great grandson.  And of course, no one realized this until now, when the zoom-out is so cosmic that every piece of information tracked down takes on a strange meant-to-be aura and makes you think about every little thing that happens in your life and how it will affect your future.

So, if you are in fact a history nerd, sociology nerd, mystery nerd, documentary nerd, humanities nerd, genealogy nerd, or OH-MY-GOD-THE-TINIEST-THINGS-BLOW-MY-MIND nerd (like me) -- I highly recommend checking out Who Do You Think You Are?  This season features, along with Martin Sheen, Marisa Tomei, Blair Underwood, Reba McEntire, Rob Lowe, Helen Hunt, Edie Falco, Rashida Jones, Jerome Bettis, Jason Sudeikis, and Paula Deen.  Actually, according to Executive Producer Lisa Kudrow (another reason to love the show, frankly) Rob Lowe's and Marisa Tomei's stories have been in the works since the first season, so I take that to mean they are epic and mysterious!  Tomei's is next week, and the preview hinted strongly at murder and conspiracy theory, so tune in!

(It occurs to me after all this overjoyed plugging that I should make note that I do not work for NBC's Who Do You Think You Are? in any way, shape, or form.  Although, frankly, I would love to.  Your move, Lisa Kudrow.)