You don't have to watch America's Next Top Model to know that the one thing Tyra Banks loves more than anything else in the world is... Tyra Banks. And perhaps barbecue. But that's another blog post.
Tyra's slippery descent into complete and utter self-absorption has played out entirely on television, and nowhere is it more apparent than the opening credits for her first TV baby, America's Next Top Model.
Take a look at Cycle 1:
Gasp! There's hardly any Tyra!
It continued in a similar fashion for five more cycles, and not only did she refrain from plastering her face all over the credits, she actually used footage of previous winners in a celebration of their victories. Aw, good for you, Tyra!
Cycle 6... look at all the former winners!
We started hitting a rough patch around Cycle 7.
Uh-oh. Notice all the shots of Tyra at the beginning? But I guess it's okay, they're just photos from her portfolio. Plus, she still included all the previous winners in the montage and that's really nice of her. She has a right to be in her own opening credits, after all!
But then Cycle 10 happened, and Tyra took her first sip of the intoxicating elixir of self-absorption.
No former winners! And a special segment devoted only to Tyra... as a fierce ringmaster? Whyyyy, Tyra? Why do you foresake the integrity of your show?
But it only got progressively more absurd. Here's Cycle 11:
Instead of just inserting her own photos into the opening credits, Tyra decided to do a whole shoot of just herself, acting out her duties as producer and showrunner - but in a model kind of way. I know that when I'm in the editing room with a colleague, I like to wear my headset and clap my hands in front of his face to get his attention! And who doesn't love to wag their "OH NO YOU DIDN'T" finger while in hair and makeup? Not me, that's who.
But the nail in Tyra's mirror-lined coffin is the most recent cycle of opening credits, Cycle 14. Take a look:
Oh. Holy. Jesus. Not only did Tyra include herself in the intro, SHE PUT HERSELF IN A ROOM OF MIRRORS. SHE MULTIPLIED. One Tyra at a time was not enough. We clearly needed more. And what's with the spandex-workout-wear styling, huh, Ty-Ty? This makes no sense to my brain, and certainly not to my eyes.
The ultimate Tyra count for the whole opening, including all reflections and repeated images: 92. NINETY-TWO TYRAS.
And that's how she likes it. Because if you question her motives, she will zap you with smiling laser eyes, dunk you in barbecue sauce and fiercely grill you on her George Foreman.