(Yes, this is late. No, this next week's will not be. I suppose I could have just skipped this but I wanted to stick to my word!)
So, I learned something new from this week's Project Runway. I could easily go the rest of my life without hearing the phrase "wee-wee pad" ever again. I'm not joking in the slightest when I say that if I were on the show, I would have avoided using them specifically so I wouldn't have to call them that. Which, of course, would make me not very different from ol' curmudgeonly Bert, and I probably would have gone home. Unless, of course, I could have fashioned some sort of frock out of hamster bedding and birdseed.
In case you hadn't guessed it, this week's challenge was devoted to using materials from a discount pet store! I love how Heidi and Tim called it an "unconventional" challenge," as if last week the contestants totally weren't crawling out of bed and trying to make runway designs out of their jim-jams. It begs the question: will these guys ever see the inside of Mood? Or will they simply be relegated to a lifetime (network plug!) of trying to see what sorts of refuse they can stitch together and call fashion. (Or "trashin," as Viktor lovingly [?] called it.)
Apparently everyone was brimming with verbal witticisms this week - Laura rather succinctly broke down her design as walking the line between "classy" and "assy." And may I take this moment to appreciate the fact that not only was she correct in her assessment, but she also used wordplay to make the word "assy." I hope that she doesn't give it up for the sake of the one-time rhyme and the fact that it was literally describing her model's bare ass. I want Laura to keep using the word "assy" to describe the other designs in the workroom! As in, "That looks like ass." We can only hope she'd have such a snappy catchphrase! She's like a wild-eyed Jessica Capshaw channeling the spirit of Elle Woods and Blanche Devereaux and I, for one, am transfixed.
It was interesting to see how each of the designers handled the "unconventional" nature of this challenge, and whether or not they emerged "classy" or "assy." (I forgot to tell you: if Laura's not going to keep using "assy," I think I will.) Bert completely shut down and willfully ignored the whole challenge's purpose, which made me want to snatch his hair off his head. Why, Bert? Why you gotta be so snobby about trying to dress a woman in dog bedding? This is Project Runway! Chances are, you're going to have to throw some crap on your model and hope it sticks. But no, Bert simply refused, and to boot, created a rather boxy and unflattering black dress with pink leash trim. All I can say: I loved you last week, Bert! Lose the attitude! Don't let me down!
Anthony Ryan, on the other hand, fully embraced the kooky challenge, and did exactly what I would have done: raced clear in the other direction and found the materials the other designers weren't using. (I wouldn't have done something so elegant and inspired with it though; my dress probably would have looked like Bert's. Just... covered in birdseed.) I don't know about you guys, but I think Anthony Ryan deserved the win. For one, he was ballsy about the materials, which deserves major kudos. But he also made something sophisticated that a woman could actually wear, as long as she wasn't in a particularly bird-heavy environment. It reminded me a lot of Jillian Lewis' Twizzler dress for the Hershey challenge in Season 4. Jillian was the only one to design with actual food, and made something chic to boot. And yet, Rami took away the win! What gives, judges?
This time, it was Olivier who snagged immunity instead of Anthony Ryan, thanks to some perplexing insistence from Nina Garcia. I, personally, don't get it. It's not that Olivier's design wasn't well-executed or interestingly conceived, it's just that I saw a double standard in the judging. His top was very clearly a dog bed, and while they praised that, they gave Fallene, Josh, and Bert hell for using similar materials that were a bit expected in that they were already like fabric. I don't follow. Frankly, I would have had two other designs in the Top 3 with Anthony's birdseed dress: Viktor's lavender-dyed wee-wee pad (shudder) dress and Anya's rainbow leash dress. I didn't mind Olivier's or Josh McKinley's, but I preferred Anya's and Viktor's. (Although, Anya's upper silhouette looked a lot like last week's... I hope she has some variety up her sleeves!)
As for the bottom 3, well... with the exception of Fallene, I think they deserved to be there. They gave Fallene so much crap, and I can't exactly figure out why. I didn't see such a huge blaspheme with the color palette. But then again, I like autumn. I have an annual Pumpkin Festival tradition. So I guess those colors are inherently less offensive to my eyes than Nina Garcia's, who made it sound like her eye sockets were going to devour her own eyes in an effort to save them the pain of looking at that atrocity.
Bryce and Josh Christensen's design's were pretty terrible, though. Both were just rife with bad choices that did nothing to help out their already fashion-backward materials. Michael Kors deemed Bryce's design "ugly napkin clothes," and Heidi, in a moment of hilarity, declared she wanted to pee on it.
You know it's bad when Heidi Klum says she wants to pee on your creation. That's worse than when Nina Garcia looks you up and down with a slightly disdained expression and utters, succinctly, "That design is tasteless."
But Bryce's urine-worthy outfit was apparently not enough to get him the boot, and poor Josh Christensen was given the farewell. I'm kind of sad to see him go, but after two weeks of lackluster design decisions, it'd be a crime to keep someone else in his favor.
As for next week, hopefully Bert will lose the 'tude, Laura will bust out "assy" again, Fallene will stop crying, and I won't need subtitles to understand Olivier. And maybe we can see the inside of Mood! I bet Anthony Ryan's model will be happy to not lie down on the ground and have birdseed hot-glued to her body. Until then... we'll always have wee-wee pads.