Sunday, September 19, 2010

GC#6 of 7: Ships That Should Never Sail

This penultimate edition of the Glee Countdown epic is brought to you LIVE from the Great Glee Rewatch! 16 hours is a lot of Glee, but somebody's gotta watch it.

Anywho, for this post, I gave complete and utter topic control to my one and only BFF, who suggested "Ships That Should Not Sail."

Now, this is Glee. If you haven't seen the fandom, I'll just tell you now: ALL SHIPS SAIL. People ship everyone and everything, from Puck/Kurt to Will/Rachel to Quinn/Bacon. Seriously. It's called BacQuinn, and hopefully isn't sexual.

Despite these obstacles, I have managed to scrounge up 10 Glee Ships That Would Be Absolutely Horrendous for Various Reasons, detailed below.

10. Mercedes/Jacob Ben Israel - He is limitlessly annoying, and she has limited patience. I can't imagine this relationship ending in anything other than bodily harm for him. Also, Mercedes deserves better than the independent polling company in his Dockers.

9. Finn/Shelby - The birth mother of your on-and-off girlfriend and the adopted mother of the baby you thought was yours for six months? Maybe stay away from that one, Finn.

8. Schue/Artie - Firstly, their shipper name would be "Schartie," and that is atrocious. Secondly, it's all kinds of student-teacher inappropriate. Thirdly, they would fight over rap solos and sweaters.

7. Terri/Burt - Oh, what kind of havoc could Terri Schuester wreak on the Hummel family. It's almost worth it just to see. But, Terri's crazy and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Plus, Burt has a low tolerance for that sort of thing, so I can imagine him literally picking her up, putting her outside on his doorstep, and shutting the door.

6. April/Brittany - So very, very blond. The 9-inch height difference would also be amusing. And think of the conversations they'd have... okay, this ship is actually kind of awesome. I'm going to stop now before I have to remove it from the list.

5. Jesse/Kurt - There is only so much that two people can look at their own reflections in the mirror. The thing about superiority complexes is that they don't co-habit well. But, they'd always have perfect hair, so there's that.

4. Sue/Santana - Oh, geez. This ship would implode with backstabbing faster than you can say "Cheerio." The amount of sabotage here would be epic. It could easily start a world war.

3. Rachel/Emma - So much crazy. They would be impossibly too high maintenance for each other.

2. Tina/Figgins - He legitimately thinks she's a vampire. It would never work.

1. Sandy/Josh Groban - Any relationship with a restraining order is doomed to fail. Also, everybody knows that Josh Groban loves a blousy alcoholic. And no one wants to live in a cocoon of horror.


  1. You didn't mention Terri/Finn, which was hinted at last season, pretty heavily in one scene. So I'm guessing you support this pairing (which I kept waiting to see pay off and have yet to see any mention)? ;)

  2. Ha! Well. Yes, I 100% support all other pairings not listed here. ;)

    (And yeah, that Terri/Finn went nowhere. Which frankly I'm glad for... but why do it in the first place, then? Poor Terri can't get a legit reason to be back on our screens...)


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